| confused.... |
[Dec. 15th, 2005|03:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lovesick Blues - Kyprios | ] |
well...as you all know now, crystal and i had broke up the other day and now im just too confused to even care about anything right now... i guess the reason for me breaking up with her would have to be that i had fallen in love with someone else but now im not even sure if thats going well...im confused so please help me right now...im torn between two people and i dont know what to do....i think im better off alone in this world...my life has fallen apart...ive walked out on my job because it got too much for me...my parents are wanting me out of the house as soon as possible, and ive left the only thing that ive cared about so much in my life.
In other news...not to change the topic so dramatically but ive got my lip pierced and am still lost in the land of confused. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2005|05:45 pm] |
You Are 24 Years Old |
24
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 10th, 2005|02:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ditzy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams | ] |
wow...its been a little over a month since my last post...well...i dont think i have a job any more cause the fucking manager is an asshole and being racist...so yea...right now im at crystals house for a bit...so yea...i bought some weed off of randy...lol...and no not the blonde 16 yr old randy...im talking about the blonde curly hair 43 yr old...lol..so yea...
Your a water Dragon! Congrats! Like ice dragons,
you are extremly powerful, but show it more
often. You are a leader, and like to speak your
opinion. AND, you are charming, swift, and
great at dancing, ou enjoy getting stuck in the
rain, playing with friends, and swimming
anywhere! Wat-ER you wating for?
What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| happy happy. |
[Nov. 26th, 2004|11:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | eminem - just lose it. | ] |
well..good news for me...the transfer was accepted so as of next semester i wont be at scarlett anymore...i will now be going to manning..WHOO!..heh..fun fun..i dont have anything to talk about now...other than that crystal is coming overe today after school. right now im on my spare in the library..jay and sasha are with me and are being like little kids...ahh...good stuff..lol..mind you so am i but yea w/e...i havent anything else to say so im going to be gone now...bai bai.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2004|10:39 pm] |
...*sigh*...well me b-day party wasnt as fun as i thought it would be...well it looks like some people are right...i tend to screw things up...and i think i screwed my party up...so w/e....i hate my parents still...they still havent a clue as to whats going on with me right now...and i think thats best....i am transferring at the end of this semester to manning...i cant wait...but yea...thats the only thing really that i...well...i dont know how to explain it...
...i had made a promise...and that was to never hurt myself...and so far i have kept it...but i have been thinking alot about what would happen if i had died...im not being biast or anything...but the only person that would probably care would be crystal...i mean i love her alot...and my parents are acting like nothings happened...and that really pisses me off...i mean it is a good thing...but still...
death...why do people die?...what porpose does death have to do with us?...should i die now to feel what its like...i know ill never come back...but what is it like...is there a heaven and a hell?...or is there just a spectral world where spirits manafest?..i want to know the answers to these questions... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 21st, 2004|10:14 pm] |
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well...happy birthday to me....happy birth day to me....and so on so fourth....well im 16 now....congrats to me....i finally have enough for my eyebrow to get pierced...my fucked up mother wont pay for it for my b-day like she said she would...so i get to pay for it myself...*sigh*...oh well....i got to see crystal today...went to southcenter after school and saw jays, julien, and luke...then came to my house and i opened another gift from crystal and it was a seat-belt belt lol...whooooooo!...lol...sorry...andyways....tomorrows my b-day party at lloyds...so yea...well i should go...im fucking stuffed from dinner and dessert...lol...so...ttyl... |
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| the peom.... |
[Oct. 19th, 2004|11:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | lovesick blues - kyprios | ] |
I am the love in your eyes.
I wonder what it feels like to be with someone for a long time.
i hear the tremble in your voice.
i see the tears run down your face.
i want you here to share my love.
i am the love in your eyes.
i pretend to be something im not.
i feel upset when your not here with me.
i worry about you all the time.
i cry when i am unable to see you.
i am the love in your eyes.
i understand what ive become.
i say i wont do it but i turn around and do it.
i dream that your sleeping beside me.
i try my best to be a better person.
i hope i am able to keep our love forever.
i am the love in your eyes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2004|10:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | getcha groove on - limp bizkit | ] |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2004|10:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | limp bizkit - happy and free | ] |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 13th, 2004|08:26 am] |
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...so much shit going on...i made a mistake hugely yesterday....ive hurt many people by it...not only the person i wanted to hurt...but also myself and some others...as of now...i am going to run away from my problems...as in i am leaving my house and maybe even this city...im going to leave for a couple of days...and then ill come back and see what has changed...i appologize to whoever i have hurt...but i am leaving and i dont know when i will write next...running away from everything seems like a good idea right now...however...i dont know where ill go but i guess ill figure that our when i leave...sorry...and farewell... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 7th, 2004|08:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | action - powerman 5000 | ] |
one thing...brandon all i have to say is watch your back now...you have pissed me off more than anyone can...more than my own parents even...so watch your back. i dont need friends to fight you brandon i have my self...you may think i am not able to take you on brandon or w/e your small mind is saying to yourself...but keep this in mind...you are a disrespectful asshole. dont test my pacients anymore brandon cause i have none for you anymore. you have taken this "war" too far. 1) for making crystal cry and hurting her inside. 2) for pissing me off to the extreme. 3) thinking everyone doesnt care. yea people have there own opinions about someone. and my opinion on you is that you have changed greatly. you are truely a huge disrespectful little prick that has no heart.
watch your back brandon...for it may do tricks in the next couple days. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2004|04:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | trapt - still frame | ] |
i am getting truely sick and tired of heartless assholes such as jason and brandon always patronizing and spreading rumors about me that arent true. and yes this is directed to you guys. if you honestly hate me so...then piss off..dont talk to me nor look at me. if im that annoying then why bother talking to me. you people can say what you wish about me. i honestly dont care what you say now. and if you two want to fight me...so be it...i have no grudges against you so i wont be fighting for a reason...you two on the other hand i dont know why you would want to fight me for i WANT a reason first...i want to know whay you two HATE me so..so if you wish to fight me...have fun with that. i wont care...brandon..you ask one more time about the money...you wont get it...ill get it to you when i get a job...and i am trying to get one...so piss off...or ill do the same thing i did to sam when he continued to bug me...i wont pay you ever...attempt to do what ever you wish guys...i dont care anymore...
cant wait to leave my house and then transfer to another school..that way i wont have to put up with heartless morons. nor would i be patronized and critisized by them either.
i dont know who my friends are no more...right now i think crystal, sasha, drea, luke, chris, anne, renay, dalton, ian, bryce, paul, rob, danica, ashley, kayla, kaela, steph...i cant think of anymore people that are actually my friends and that arent heartless...
tell me who hates me and why...id like to know...anyone that does reply...anyone that doesnt reply but say something different... |
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| *sigh* |
[Sep. 29th, 2004|12:30 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | kyprios - root of all evil | ] |
well...lets see...i have to redo my resume cause its sopposebly not good enough...according to may calm teacher...ugh...w/e...well im basically done my calm project that i started today and its due tomorrow...*sigh*and i have to present it alone in calm in front of everyone...and i hate presenting...so w/e...hopefully i do well...well anyways....yesterday crystal and i had blessed our tools for wicca...but i dont think it worked for the fact that we had to put them outside and they got soaked...i think...but yea...*sigh*...oh well theres always a next time...so yea...sarah is still pissed at me cause shes blaming me that i broke her lamp...im getting sick and tired of being blamed for absolutely everything..so come my b-day im moving out...kay...well maybe the day after...but still...its getting pathetically repetitive...so yea...thats my life now...and im sick like...lol...i dont know why its funny cause its not...i hate being sick... |
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| *sigh* |
[Sep. 27th, 2004|12:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  devious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | kyprios - never say goodbye. | ] |
well...where shall i start...i found out that sarah hates me completely for the fact that she said that im using her house as a drop-in-center....im never home or some bull shit like that...yet i am home...im home on the weekends and a few days after school yet she says im still an asshole and an inconciderate prick...whatever...i dont care.they can do what they want...if they want to kick me out once i turn 16 for the fact that im never home or whatever...then so be it...in fact i do hope they kick me out for the fact that i want the house to fall apart again...and once they kick me out...im not going back...if they hate me so damn much...why dont they do it now?...after all ive done for sarah...ive stuck up for her from my dad when hes pissed out of him mind drunk...and ive helped her out with jaina...and if she cant see how ive helped her...then so be it...i cant believe that i did stick up for her...my dad doesnt care what sarah said bout me getting kicked out...he doesnt care anymore...something that him and i have in common now...we dont care no more...life fucks us over no matter how hard we try...and i still have places i can go...well...one atleast to my knowledge now...that would be crystals...i found out that her mom really likes me and such...randy im not too sure of...yet i still think he likes me...so yea...ive got there to go if i do get kicked out...my 1st option is still jasons though...id really like to patch things up with him...i dont need another aquaintence anymore...i want him as my friend...id actually like him to call and such...so jay...if your willing to patch things up...im open to what you have to say... |
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| wow.... |
[Sep. 16th, 2004|11:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | break stuff(remix)- limp bizkit | ] |
well...its been 8 days since my last post..so i mind as well post now since i have till 7:45 tomorrow...i dont feel like sleeping for the fact that i had a french vanilla coffee...and for the fact that i have some things on my mind...mostly to do with crystal...but im not going to get into it because it will just make me depressed...well...the cut on my wrist is kinda fading...*sigh*...lol..my viens are fucking popping out of my arm like theres a damn party going on inside me...lmao...sorry..im a little hyper...damn it...i need food...hmmm..34 days till my b-day...unfortuently i cant have any body over at my house...however i will be doing something...it wont be at my house though...but whatever...it doesnt matter...its only my 16th b-day...its not that important...none of my b-days seem important anymore...1..no one wants to come...2 barely anyone can do anything on them..and 3...its my b-day...so yea whatever...it dont matter if i have a b-day or not...i mind as well just do what my dad did when i was seven and my mother left...celebrate my b-day by myself...unless people actually want to come...and or do anything...(jason...would i be able to host it at your house?)..if not...then i might just cancel plans for my b-day...ugh...i feel like im doing a gult trip or something...and if i am i dont mean to...it just kinda feels like it at the moment...*sigh*...well..about a week ago my dads truck was stolen, crashed, and then returned with a huge dent on the front and the back window smashed along with the back end...so yea...parents will be going to court in october sometime...hmph...you know what blows about my b-day...either its the same day as report cards are sent out...or its 2 days after report cards are sent out...and it NEVER ON A WEEKEND!!!its on a thursday..however friday we have off...so thats a bonus...anyways...enough about that...i need caffine...my hyperness is staerting to wear off...huminahum...oo oo oo...tanis called when i was out today and yea...lol...thought she moved away from calgary...but she didnt..shes still here...not a bad thing...its just like...wow...and i mean...NO ONE calls me...other than crystal...but still...like..wow...i feel special...........................................................................................................................................................................................kay yea...now i dont...*sigh*...oh well...im gonna go and get some more caffine...so i can stay up....i dont wanna sleep tonight...but yea...nights to all thats reading this... |
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| ..... |
[Sep. 8th, 2004|12:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | people screaming | ] |
well...this morning when i woke up i began to think alot and i actually started to cry...i mean crystal and i live across the city from eachother and it hurts...yea i know what brandon said that teens fall in love but arent really in love...i thought about that...and its not true...i mean i walk in these halls and i see people holding hands and these people were together last year as well...and i know it hurts when people break up with you...its not a fun thing...fuck...well...this year is going to be hectic...i have all academic courses and well i wont see crystal all that often...by the end of this year we will be hurt...or atleast i will...i miss her already...i may sound stupid or fucking obsessed with her...but...i actually love her...shes different than anyone else...i was thinking about transferring to maning...and i had submitted the forms...but they got lost in the mail according to the princaple...so i got another form and now my dad wont sign it...
but the plan for the beginning of grd 12 still stand...im moving out...and all that want to move in with me can...you would have to pay a bit of the rent or morgage or whatever...but thats bout it...
well i better go find jeff or something...stupid...we only get 45 mins for lunch...ugh.... |
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| .... |
[Sep. 4th, 2004|04:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Korn - Right now | ] |
well...yesterday was interesting...i found out that my best friend was the crush of crystal in grd 2...meh...i dont care...danica had changed a bit...shes more open and a little more energetic now...right now im bored out of my mind...there is nothing to do here...id go out and find something to do..but that requires work...and i dont feel like doing that right now...so...yea....
NOTE TO ALL!:if you dont believe anything i say...then dont reply...it pisses me off...do you honestly fucking think i would be lying about my sisters death?...so brandon...fuck the hell off and leave me alone...its not your life that is fucked nor is being fucked...so leave it be! |
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| ..... |
[Sep. 2nd, 2004|11:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | one head light - wallflowers | ] |
well tomorrow im going to lloyds with a bunch of peoples...so yea...if anyone wants to come...please do....well...right now i am sitting here talking to crystal on the phone...and thinking of ,y past...thinking of when my sister died...its hard to remember that image of her in my room dead on the floor...its just not a very nice site...but it haunts me and yea i miss her...i loved her alot...more than the sis's i have now...but still i love them...i miss her soo much it hurts my inside...*sigh*...school is going to be difficult...i hope i can get transferred...ugh...ive got soo much on my mind right now...its hard...it really is...my sis's death...and then school...yea my life may not be the greatest...but im still here....i have thought of suisice within this week...and ive lied to crystal when she asked me if something was wrong at times...and i appologize...it was just something i couldnt say...i cant talk anymore...i fucking tearing right now....and im getting off the phone with her now...bai....im going to bed... |
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| hmph... |
[Aug. 16th, 2004|02:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hyper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cant get my head around you - offspring | ] |
well i figured out how much of an asshole brandon is now...saying things about me that arent true...so fuck him...
on a happier note...lol...ugh...im bored as hell and theres nothing to do here...*sigh*...im gonna be going to lloyds on friday..(hopefully people can come)i want a huge group to go..well my sisters are here...4 out of the 5...*sigh*...they piss me off....right now my dad aint home ....hes at work..damn him...lol...im home and im the only male here...other than a pet...but he dont count...his b-days in 2 days...dont know what were doing...him and i are prolly gonna go to see a movie or something...fun fun...lol...not really...lol...but yea...im in a hyper ish mood now...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................*sigh*...now im depressed...ugh...fucking hell...i hate this world...i want to move out and get away from it all right now...cant wait till i turn 16..cause then i have the right to leave if i want...i most likely will...ill go and stay with chris or jay...but yea...thats then...this is now...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................*HYPER!!!*WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!...lol...FREEZIES!!!!!!!!!ughgugghughgughgughgughgughggughugughghgghughgughugghughg....lmao...anyway...lol...nothing left to say...bai bai!!! |
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